I learned while visiting Sydney in the hospital a few years back, that she felt bound by that description, or should I say that perception that I had of her. She believed it was an expectation. She believed she always had to be happy and bubbly even when she was feeling sad. She thought she wouldn’t be accepted if she was to step outside of the box that I had placed her in. She wouldn’t even allow herself to be sick. She would be smiling at the visits and would say she was doing great, but I would get a report the following day that she had a breakdown. Why was she lying to me about how she was feeling? After crying and praying, I had to apologize for not allowing her to be herself. I had to admit to myself that maybe I don’t know my baby girl as well as I thought did. After the self-pity and guilt subsided, I had to figure out how to change my behavior. I needed to find a way to help her embrace every side of her amazing personality. I found a movie that I thought would help, ”The Emoji Movie“!! After watching the movie, I felt like it was made just for me…for us. It’s about the boxes that people put you in and what you are willing to go through to fit into those boxes. However, being yourself is what makes you unique and just what the world needs. 

Going through the process has been uncomfortable for me. I thought knowing my kid’s personalities would help me interact with them and communicate with them better. I didn’t think I was saying you can’t be anything other than that. Changing my language when interacting with her, well, all of them haven’t been easy. I started feeling like I was walking on eggshells trying not to say the wrong thing. I questioned my parenting style altogether. I want them to love themselves as much as I love them, but Sydney didn’t. I didn’t know how to fix it, and as a mother, I am supposed to know how to fix it; I felt helpless. I prided myself on being this “perfect parent”. How could she not know that she was loved, wanted, worthy, intelligent, beautiful, and talented? I told her and her sisters all the time. I guess she only heard “Sydney is the bubbly, silly, happy-go, lucky kid, she never wants anyone to be sad, and she gives in to her sisters just to keep the peace.”

I wanted to fix it…her like she was broken or something. My life is forever changed now that I fully understand and accept that she is perfect just the way she is. She didn’t always need to be happy or sad. That it’s perfectly normal to visit all the emotions, just don’t unpack. We had to learn how to communicate better. Asking the question, What did you hear me say? and I began to train myself to listen to understand and not to respond. This has taken some practice. Sometimes it comes naturally, and other times I have to put more effort. And guess what, sometimes I fail at it all together and have to apologize. It’s all a part of the process. The mental health journey is just that, a journey.

My name is Lela Blackwell, Founder & President of I Am My Sister and mother of a now amazing 17-year-old young lady name Sydney who has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder. What you read is just a snippet of the beginning of my journey as a mother of an adolescent battling mental health issues. I know I am not alone, and for many mothers, their story didn’t end with a response back.

For almost a year Sydney struggled with talking about her time in the hospital; four times in eight months. Whenever anyone would bring up the topic, she would get defensive, and her response would immediately be “that’s in the past, why do we have to talk about it”. At 5:30 am one Saturday, the topic came up again while she was discussing her therapy session from the previous day, and of course, she got defensive. I finally had to explain to her that nothing we go through is for ourselves. We’re put through trials and tests because God knows that we can handle them. As we make it through our trials and test, He hopes that we will share our testimony to help someone else get through theirs. In short, it’s not about us. No, it’s not fair, but how special that God chose you, that he trusted you, that he needed you…us. I always told her that I wouldn’t share her story because it’s not my story to tell, but hers when she’s ready. At that moment, I realized that wasn’t completely true, and I couldn’t hold to my word any longer on the topic because I too went through this journey and I too had a story to tell…my story. That it wasn’t about me, but other parents that needed to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and to grab hold of a little bit of hope.

WELCOME! This is our first blog post for “Mind Your Mental Moment”. When I re-launched i Am My Sister I knew that we had to include a mental health initiative. The initiative is called “Mind Your Mental” and it gives high school and college young ladies a safe space to tell their stories, live in their truth, and receive access to resources, and support from their fellow sisters as they navigate through their mental health journey. It allows young ladies to focus on being the best versions of themselves by focusing on themselves.

The goal of this blog is to bring awareness, start and continue the conversation, break the stigma, and more importantly, give young ladies a voice. On this blog, you will read and sometimes watch and listen as young people, therapist, and the community shares their stories, our thoughts, and feelings about topics related to mental wellness, learn about tools and resources for those affected by mental health (which is everyone), and our journey and commitment to end the stigma.